Monday 6th January is ‘Divorce Day’ - why do some couples reach breaking point at this time of year in particular?

How can couples successfully navigate this significant life event? Here, Dr Gisele Caseiras, a psychotherapist from Likeminds (www.likeminds.london), offers her advice…

Why can relationships falter at this time? The New Year signifies a ‘fresh start’ and a ‘new beginning’, and as a result many can develop a desire for change and feel it’s the right time to explore new opportunities on every level. The festive season can also shine a light on any existing cracks in a relationship, simply as a result of the stress and strain that is often associated with this time of year. Many tend to spend far more time cooped up together, feeling immense pressure for everything to be ‘perfect’. Often the relationship is already going through difficulties, it’s just these tend to become magnified during particularly stressful events, such as Christmas. For many it’s can act as a ‘trigger’ to realise their relationship has reached the end of the road.

· How to tell if your relationship is going ‘off track’ - Healthy Relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, understanding, and support. The following behaviours should be considered ‘red flags’ in any relationship:

- Insults or personal attacks - can feel like a violation and will break the trust in the relationship. Insults and attacks by your partner can be harmful because it damages your self-esteem, making you feel worthless. It also creates resentment and makes it more difficult to solve conflicts. Personal insults and attacks can lead to emotional abuse.

- Having your emotions invalidated – this will make you feel unheard and unsupported. When someone feels their feelings are being minimized or invalidated, they might become more upset and defensive. Often, this escalates the conflict. It’s important your partner listens and hears your point of view if it is different from yours. Your feelings need to be acknowledged and validated, not dismissed.

- Any kind of emotional or physical threats. Threats are a form of emotional manipulation that uses fear to control someone. They can have different impacts, from a mild misinterpretation to a deep sense of guilt and fear in your partner.

- Body shaming or denigration. This can be a form of emotional abuse and feels like a violent attack, eroding feelings of trust and safety. Many people struggle with body image issues, and negative comments from your partner might exacerbate this feeling, even if they have been dormant for a while.

· How to successfully ‘move on’ – Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that the end of a marriage is a significant life event that can be a source of anxiety for both partners and, of course, any children involved. It’s important for all concerned to recognise that the feelings of loss and sadness associated with it are entirely normal. Key is to be open and honest with your feelings - the emotions associated with the end of relationship can be complex and varied. Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t give in to feelings of guilt.

While it is a significant event which often takes a huge amount of courage to accept, it also presents an opportunity for personal growth and an opportunity for you to explore your own goals and aspirations in this new phase of your life. So, (for perhaps the first time in many years) just focus on your needs for a while – take some much needed time for yourself and learn to embrace the liberty of simply “pleasing yourself”.