Charity urges couples to consider mediation instead of ‘lawyering up’ this Divorce Day

The charity NFM (National Family Mediation) is urging couples considering separation or divorce this January to take time to explore all available options before rushing to lawyers this Divorce Day.

The call to action from the country’s largest network of family mediators comes with a caution that “misguided efforts” to protect individual assets, property, and childcare rights risk fuelling unnecessary conflict.

Much like the January spike in enquiries reported by family lawyers, NFM says it regularly sees a significant rise in calls after the Christmas holidays. Last year alone, the charity received more than 800 enquiries (regional data available) in January compared to less than 400 in December 2023, as families sought support in navigating the next steps following a relationship breakdown.

Yet while mediation has grown in popularity in recent years, offering couples an amicable and cost-effective alternative to court battles, NFM says there is still work to be done to ensure more families are aware of mediation as an option.

This awareness is particularly critical this year, as financial pressures, including high mortgage rates and spiralling rents, mean many separating couples have no choice but to continue living together.

Sarah Hawkins, CEO of NFM, explains: “What we’ve found over the last few years is that many people initiate divorce proceedings over the Christmas period, either because things have reached a boiling point, or simply because they finally have time off work to consider the process.

“However, that’s really just the beginning. January hits, and people realise they have to deal with all the other practicalities, too.”

According to NFM, the introduction of no-fault divorce, coupled with the simplicity of the online application process, has made initiating divorce proceedings faster than ever. With just a few details and a £593 fee, couples can begin the process. However, NFM cautions that while this legally ends the marriage, it does not resolve crucial matters such as housing arrangements, asset division, or childcare agreements.

Sarah continues: “Once the application is in, life resumes its usual rhythm - the new school term starts, work picks up - and that’s when people begin to think practically about what happens next. Unfortunately, when emotions are raw, there’s often a strong urge to ‘lawyer up.’

“People want to know their rights - about the house, the kids, the finances. They want to protect what’s theirs. But this approach is often misguided and can quickly escalate conflict.”

Sarah adds that UK courts do not operate on a “winner-takes-all” basis. Instead, decisions are made based on the needs of both parties, with the wellbeing of any children taking absolute priority.

“Racking up legal fees might feel like having someone in your corner, but it’s unlikely to make much difference to the outcome. What it does do is add unnecessary expense, stress, and tension for everyone involved.”

Instead, mediation offers a calm and supportive space where separating couples can discuss and agree on practical, fair, and achievable solutions for the whole family. It avoids protracted and costly legal battles, providing a constructive way to move forward during an already challenging time.

Sarah explains: “Filing for divorce feels quick and straightforward, but it doesn’t address the practical or financial realities of separation. When couples realise they don’t have a plan for housing, childcare, or splitting pensions, panic sets in. That’s when costly, conflict-driven decisions are made.

“With the rising cost of living, rent, and mortgage rates, many couples simply can’t afford to move out straight away. That’s the reality for a lot of families - they’re forced to cohabit. Mediation can help create a plan to make this period more manageable while working towards longer-term solutions.”

Mediation empowers couples to work together rather than against each other. Whether addressing temporary or long-term housing arrangements, sharing parenting responsibilities, or dividing assets like pensions, mediation focuses on finding solutions that meet everyone’s needs - especially the children’s.

“Rushing to lawyers can create unnecessary battles, particularly when the financial pressures of legal fees add to the strain. Mediation is quicker, more affordable, and much less stressful, particularly with the Government's Family Mediation Voucher Scheme helping to cover mediation costs up to £500.

“Legal Aid is also available for eligible families, ensuring this support is accessible to everyone.”

Sarah concluded: “Our message this January is simple: take a breath. Don’t let panic or pressure drive you into costly conflict. Mediation can help you navigate this challenging time with support and clarity, creating a path forward that works for everyone in the family.”

For more information on how mediation can help, visit National Family Mediation Service | We Help Families In Conflict.